In lieu of the gorilla tragedy at the Cincinnati zoo, varying opinions, outrage, defense mechanisms, and even threats have surfaced. Each and every person is entitled to their opinion. However, along with opinion sometimes comes defamation, hypocrisy, ignorance, and judgment based on a lack of understanding, which is definitely out there right now. This is a classic example, to me, of a clear lack of understanding by many, many, individuals who have said things like, "zoos aren't your babysitter". On the flip side, I've heard comments in regards to exhibits creating safer enclosures. And then there are animal rights enthusiasts who believe this is yet another reason that captivity of animals is cruel and that the situation could have been avoided altogether. I'm speaking to the mother's defense.
It's difficult for me to wrap my brain around the judgment and apparent threats that this parent has received as a result of this accident. Because that's what this was, an accident. Regardless of your beliefs on whether the child was old enough to know better, or if he was told "no" numerous times and did it anyway, it was still an accident. Even if the zoo could make the enclosure safer, it was still an accident. I do not know the mother of this toddler, but I have been a mother to a 4 year-old ADHD, sensory seeking child, and I feel for her.
If you do not have kids, or have not been around very active toddlers, sensory seeking, ADHD, or other special needs children, you have no idea what life is like as a guardian and care provider. Your opinions are entitled, but unless you have walked each and every day in this mother's shoes, or shoes of a similar nature, you have absolutely no clue what obstacles this child or this child's mother face or dealt with at the time of this accident.
I sometimes joke about being a high-functioning basketcase, but when it comes down to it, I kill it as a mother. In total honesty, I do not have any (close) friends who have had a more active child then mine. That does not make me any better of a mother, but it means I stayed in crisis mode from the time Fischer could walk until about age 5. At age 5, I still had to follow him around if we went anywhere in public because he had absolutely no impulse control. I could say "don't touch that", but since it takes his neuro system a while to react, he would touch it anyway. It wasn't to be naughty or be deliberately defiant- as a lot of people silently judged him for- it was because he struggles with impulse control due to a part of the brain that actually doesn't function like an average brain.. When I would go to pay for groceries at the store, I'd take out my wallet, swipe my debit card, and by that time, Fischer had knocked half the gum and chocolate bars onto the floor. .
My kid has eaten his own poop, deer poop, potting soil, wood chips, worms, and he's drank rubbing alcohol and random potions that he has concocted. I used to have to lock my toddler in the bathroom with me while I was sick, at home, because he was so starved for sensory input. Am I a bad mom because I was using the bathroom, fell down while chasing him, picking all of the chunks out of his dinner due to texture issues, or cleaning up after him? Nope, I'm not. Is this woman a bad mom because her child fell? Nope, she's not. What if she dropped her purse, her wallet fell out, and when she bent over to pick it up, he got bumped away from her? What if he quickly let go of her hand because he wanted to see what everyone else was seeing because (surprise surprise) he was curious, and the exhibit was so packed that she couldn't find him right away? What if the mother sneezed and was covered in snot, so she had to let go of his hand and dig for a tissue with her other (non snot covered) hand? I can think of 20 other scenarios, off the cuff, that would in no way suggest this mom is a negligent parent.
Think I'm taking it too far? I'm not. My kid could have, and did, wander off during times like this. My sensory seeker utilized every opportunity to his advantage. Could it have been prevented? Maybe it could have, but honestly, that is moot because the truth is this: kid fell, gorilla died. You don't know the details. (I feel inclined to mention that a lot of these judgers may be the same type of parent who would suggest this child be on a leash, yet would be the first to say, "I'd never put my kid on a leash", in another situation.)
To that parent that has the perfect, well-behaved, mainstream child and you feel the need to delve out "you shouldas"- you don't get it. You have no clue. Be thankful your child listens to you, but don't think it's because you are a better parent. I have no doubt your rearing of your child is a reflection of good parenting, but children who do not visibly "listen" are not necessarily products of bad or neglectful parents. You NEVER NEVER know what obstacles a child may be fighting because not all disorders and disabilities are visible. And even if this child (who, let's remember was injured, which is sad in and of itself) who took this horrible fall doesn't have any special needs, it does not mean his mom is neglectful. It does not make her a bad mom, and it doesn't make him a bad kid. He's 4. What if you were throwing up or had diarrhea (seriously...it happens) and your toddler drank your pine sol when you had to abruptly abandon your mopping? And let's face it, toddlers are not all that different than many of the adults at a Trump rally.
If your 4 year-old is perfect, listens all the time, never runs off, never tries to get away with anything, never climbs on anything, and is never overly curious, then I feel for you. The world of wonder and curiosity is what I miss most about being a child. We learn, even as adults, by making mistakes. Discovering something new or unveiling something you've never witnessed before is phenomenal, and wonder is an amazing sight to witness as a parent. This 4 year-old was possibly just curious. It's almost impossible for a child, especially a toddler, to resist "oohs and ahhs". Maybe he couldn't see what everyone was "ooh-ing and ahh-ing" over. Let me ask you this: what would you do if all of your co-workers huddled together and were saying things like, "look at that", "oooh", "wow, that's amazing"! Would you want to see what it was? I'm betting you would. Even if you don't have the energy, or decide to refrain from the crowd's excitement, you would wonder. Children that age are dying to obtain new information.
I will admit to loving the zoo. But I also acknowledge feeling sad after viewing many of the exhibits and living quarters of the animals. So, I can appreciate the animal rights perspective. I KNOW that the incident "could" happen to anyone so I get this mother's perspective. And in that moment, it was a judgment call on behalf of the zoo who felt this child's safety was in danger. So although I find it incredibly sad, I absolutely get the zoos perspective. I don't understand the perspective of those who feel this is the mother's fault. She's obviously dealing with an injured toddler, probable remorse, and self judgment on top of becoming notorious over night, and not in a positive way. This is a sad situation, anyway you look at it. it doesn't do anyone any good to spar judgment and hatred toward a woman whose story you don't know. I read that the individual who raised Harambe from birth say that his name means "come together" in Swahili- doesn't it make more sense to just be sad for all involved, stop passing judgment on this mother and what happened, and come together to come up with solutions for how to prevent this from happening going forward? I don't have an answer, but I know this mother doesn't deserve scrutiny.
It's difficult for me to wrap my brain around the judgment and apparent threats that this parent has received as a result of this accident. Because that's what this was, an accident. Regardless of your beliefs on whether the child was old enough to know better, or if he was told "no" numerous times and did it anyway, it was still an accident. Even if the zoo could make the enclosure safer, it was still an accident. I do not know the mother of this toddler, but I have been a mother to a 4 year-old ADHD, sensory seeking child, and I feel for her.
If you do not have kids, or have not been around very active toddlers, sensory seeking, ADHD, or other special needs children, you have no idea what life is like as a guardian and care provider. Your opinions are entitled, but unless you have walked each and every day in this mother's shoes, or shoes of a similar nature, you have absolutely no clue what obstacles this child or this child's mother face or dealt with at the time of this accident.
I sometimes joke about being a high-functioning basketcase, but when it comes down to it, I kill it as a mother. In total honesty, I do not have any (close) friends who have had a more active child then mine. That does not make me any better of a mother, but it means I stayed in crisis mode from the time Fischer could walk until about age 5. At age 5, I still had to follow him around if we went anywhere in public because he had absolutely no impulse control. I could say "don't touch that", but since it takes his neuro system a while to react, he would touch it anyway. It wasn't to be naughty or be deliberately defiant- as a lot of people silently judged him for- it was because he struggles with impulse control due to a part of the brain that actually doesn't function like an average brain.. When I would go to pay for groceries at the store, I'd take out my wallet, swipe my debit card, and by that time, Fischer had knocked half the gum and chocolate bars onto the floor. .
My kid has eaten his own poop, deer poop, potting soil, wood chips, worms, and he's drank rubbing alcohol and random potions that he has concocted. I used to have to lock my toddler in the bathroom with me while I was sick, at home, because he was so starved for sensory input. Am I a bad mom because I was using the bathroom, fell down while chasing him, picking all of the chunks out of his dinner due to texture issues, or cleaning up after him? Nope, I'm not. Is this woman a bad mom because her child fell? Nope, she's not. What if she dropped her purse, her wallet fell out, and when she bent over to pick it up, he got bumped away from her? What if he quickly let go of her hand because he wanted to see what everyone else was seeing because (surprise surprise) he was curious, and the exhibit was so packed that she couldn't find him right away? What if the mother sneezed and was covered in snot, so she had to let go of his hand and dig for a tissue with her other (non snot covered) hand? I can think of 20 other scenarios, off the cuff, that would in no way suggest this mom is a negligent parent.
Think I'm taking it too far? I'm not. My kid could have, and did, wander off during times like this. My sensory seeker utilized every opportunity to his advantage. Could it have been prevented? Maybe it could have, but honestly, that is moot because the truth is this: kid fell, gorilla died. You don't know the details. (I feel inclined to mention that a lot of these judgers may be the same type of parent who would suggest this child be on a leash, yet would be the first to say, "I'd never put my kid on a leash", in another situation.)
To that parent that has the perfect, well-behaved, mainstream child and you feel the need to delve out "you shouldas"- you don't get it. You have no clue. Be thankful your child listens to you, but don't think it's because you are a better parent. I have no doubt your rearing of your child is a reflection of good parenting, but children who do not visibly "listen" are not necessarily products of bad or neglectful parents. You NEVER NEVER know what obstacles a child may be fighting because not all disorders and disabilities are visible. And even if this child (who, let's remember was injured, which is sad in and of itself) who took this horrible fall doesn't have any special needs, it does not mean his mom is neglectful. It does not make her a bad mom, and it doesn't make him a bad kid. He's 4. What if you were throwing up or had diarrhea (seriously...it happens) and your toddler drank your pine sol when you had to abruptly abandon your mopping? And let's face it, toddlers are not all that different than many of the adults at a Trump rally.
If your 4 year-old is perfect, listens all the time, never runs off, never tries to get away with anything, never climbs on anything, and is never overly curious, then I feel for you. The world of wonder and curiosity is what I miss most about being a child. We learn, even as adults, by making mistakes. Discovering something new or unveiling something you've never witnessed before is phenomenal, and wonder is an amazing sight to witness as a parent. This 4 year-old was possibly just curious. It's almost impossible for a child, especially a toddler, to resist "oohs and ahhs". Maybe he couldn't see what everyone was "ooh-ing and ahh-ing" over. Let me ask you this: what would you do if all of your co-workers huddled together and were saying things like, "look at that", "oooh", "wow, that's amazing"! Would you want to see what it was? I'm betting you would. Even if you don't have the energy, or decide to refrain from the crowd's excitement, you would wonder. Children that age are dying to obtain new information.
I will admit to loving the zoo. But I also acknowledge feeling sad after viewing many of the exhibits and living quarters of the animals. So, I can appreciate the animal rights perspective. I KNOW that the incident "could" happen to anyone so I get this mother's perspective. And in that moment, it was a judgment call on behalf of the zoo who felt this child's safety was in danger. So although I find it incredibly sad, I absolutely get the zoos perspective. I don't understand the perspective of those who feel this is the mother's fault. She's obviously dealing with an injured toddler, probable remorse, and self judgment on top of becoming notorious over night, and not in a positive way. This is a sad situation, anyway you look at it. it doesn't do anyone any good to spar judgment and hatred toward a woman whose story you don't know. I read that the individual who raised Harambe from birth say that his name means "come together" in Swahili- doesn't it make more sense to just be sad for all involved, stop passing judgment on this mother and what happened, and come together to come up with solutions for how to prevent this from happening going forward? I don't have an answer, but I know this mother doesn't deserve scrutiny.
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