I've been sick for 3 days, therefore, Fischer's routine, our routine, is all sorts of screwed up.  Which means, I have a big-time deregulated toddler on my hands.  He's mouthy and easily agitated.  He wanted to leave therapy today because his OT suggested they take turns hiding during their game of hide-and-seek.  He NEVER wants to leave OT. 

Fischer is effected by each of the senses, but must work especially hard with proprioceptive input.  For those unfamiliar with the terminology, proprioception comes from our nervous system and is a form of sensory input that makes us spatially aware of our muscles, limbs, and joints.  A lot of kids with proprioceptive dysfunction seem uncoordinated or have difficulty gauging their movements.  They might not move out of the way fast enough when a ball comes toward their head.  I'm a huge baseball fan, so I like to use the sport as an example.  Good baseball pitchers have multiple pitches in their arsenal:  two seam, four seam, splitter, off-speed, sinker, etc.  Perfecting these pitches requires improved proprioceptive ability (delivery, velocity, gripping, arm movement), which can be trained.  They improve their proprioceptive abilities when they practice and train with their pitching coach.  Likewise, Fischer's proprioception improves when he "trains" with his OT.  Or, say I had one to many dirty martinis one night and got pulled over.  Police officers would gauge my proprioception if they suspected I might be over the legal limit.  If I were intoxicated, I might not be able to walk a straight line without looking down at my feet.  (Which by the way, never happens.  Well...the driving bit never happens.) 

Fischer is a big-time sensory seeker and he NEEDS rough-play- crashing, pulling, jumping, heavy lifting, wrestling,  It improves body awareness and his ability to focus.  Our morning routine consists of building tents with heavy, weighted pillows, jumping, piggy and horseback rides, running and crashing.  In the afternoon, we play on the playground, build forts with bricks, climb up dirt or snow piles, or play in the snow.  We haven't done any of this for the past 3 days.  Routine is of the utmost importance to any child with a sensory disorder.  Fischer needs to prepare his nervous system for what's coming.  He seeks out excessive proprioceptive input because he is essentially trying to regulate himself.  His nervous system needs calming.  When he gets too touchy-feely, can't sit still, or starts crashing into things, he needs more heavy work. 

Because I caught his sensory problems at such a young age, many of Fischer's issues have subsided.  SPD is neurological and it's possible to change how his brain interprets sensory input because it is not yet fully developed.  (At least, that's how I understand it.)  He started OT shortly after he turned 3, so he's been seeing his therapist for over a year.  In addition, he has learned coping mechanisms for a lot of his issues. But we also have to work very hard with the rough-play and heavy work to calm his nervous system.  A lot of kids, especially little boys, like to play rough, but Fischer needs this heavy work as a part of his play diet. 

Unless you spend a lot of time with Fischer, more than likely, you wouldn't even notice his sensory problems.  He sometimes hugs his cousins or friends too hard, breaks things or crashes into stuff.  Luckily, he's an extremely intelligent kid and has been able to hit all of his milestones despite his struggles.  He's not clumsy, and I think he'll probably be good at sports.  But that doesn't mean that he isn't working really hard to behave in a manner that is socially appropriate. 

Tonight, during Fischer's gymnastics class, I had a "light-bulb moment".  It was unavoidable, but he had OT this morning as well.  And with me being sick, he was deregulated from the get-go and it was too much.  Normally, he listens, follows instructions and does pretty good.  He'll get distracted and overwhelmed by the lights and noise sometimes, but can usually rein himself back in.  He struggled tonight and wouldn't participate in a few things.  Because it was an "off" day, his coping mechanisms were decreased.  He wandered around more than usual and his attention was down.  But I realized that every time he drifted off, he was reined back in, either by his teacher or himself.  It took a bit longer than usual, but even on a bad day, he was able to self-regulate in a social situation.  That is HUGE!  At the end of class, he ran over to the side-lines, hunched over and waited for the rest of the class to do their hand shakes.  Others probably see this act either as a sad form of withdraw or as defiance.  I see this as a small victory.  He was able to remove himself from an uncomfortable and over-stimulating situation and find a way to self-regulate without running out of the room to me.  Today is an oxymoron.  It's a good bad day!  Fischer is just like every other kid, only he's not! 

If you are easily offended and you procreate, you might need to find foster care for your child during the toddler years; especially if your young is of the male species.  Boys are fearless cannibals who devour you with their ruthless toddler talk.  Over the past few days, the offspring has spout off multiple opinions and phrases that I hope and pray he never repeats to anyone other than myself.  My feathers are not easily ruffled.  I can typically deal with most of his neanderthal bents, not that I have a choice.  This week, I'm reaching a boiling point.

Today, Fischer told me that his supper tasked like "rotten chicken poop."  Seriously kid, I might fail in the supermom race on a daily basis, but I can cook.  Now, you're telling me that my culinary skills are lacking as well?  Many times, his sensory issues with taste cause issues based on the type of day he's had.  I asked what the problem was because he'd eaten the same thing at my mother's house earlier in the week.  (Responds) "It's just gross mom."  I'd ask him how he knew what chicken poop tasted like, but I'm pretty sure that his answer might make me gag. 

Last night, he kept putting his bottom in my face and asking me to smell his butt.  Really?  Then came the gas.  Offspring says, "mom, how's that smell", then laughs.  What is the deal with boys and gas?  I have always taught him that gas is not something to laugh about; we should just say excuse me.  I suppose i shouldn't be surprised, because many of the men I surround myself with are unabashed about their bodily functions; even grown men think gas is funny. 

Similarly, a few days ago, he kept putting his feet in my face and asking me if they stunk.  I asked him to get his feet out of my face and the little shit responds with, "oh, sorry mom, I thought that was dad's face."  I'm pretty sure I sound like I'm raising a houligan.  I'm really not; he's actually quite a thoughtful, sweet, polite kid.- when he's not with me.  Unfortunately, that is 95% of the time. 

These antics pissed me off.  Hey... I can actually vent AND curse because he can't hear me.  I can no longer utilize many of my favorite words for fear that he will repeat.  And he WILL repeat.  Apparently, 'dammit' is a pleasing word for a toddler to regurgitate.. Daddy's friend says the "F-word".  Fischer knows that the "F-word" is naughty.  Technically, he doesn't say it.  And he chooses the most inopportune moments to tell me that he doesn't say the "F-word", like when we are in public...with old people around...and other kids.  As you have probably already guessed, he uses the actual word when telling me it isn't appropriate to say it.  One of our biggest struggles is impulse control and his utter lack of a filter.  Fischer's SPD causes impulse control issues.  He cannot control his impulses to grab and repeat what he hears.  But, thanks to OT and his coping mechanisms, strangers have no idea that I'm not just a horrible, white-trash mom who thinks it's funny when her kid curses.  But, I've accepted that "I'm that mom"; there are far worse tragedies in life than being the trashy lady in the store with the unruly kid.

Do you remember role playing with Barbie and ken?  What about building a fort with fallen trees and sticks?  You didn't know it at the time, but this role play and pretend play helped build many of the essential developmental skills that you use as an adult.  Now that I have a toddler, I reflect on these moments as a child and what they taught me.  Right now, Fischer's brain is a sponge; his sponge soaks up knowledge and language instantaneously.  I will NEVER forget the glares that I received at the grocery store after Fischer dropped a can of soup and said dammit followed by the "F-word".  He was 2.  Pretend play is fun for him, but it also helps him develop life skills and language that will stick with him for the rest of his life. 

The power of imagination and make believe play an important role in the development of problem-solving skills.  Fischer has a metal push-petal Farmall tractor that he rides up and down our long hallway.  When he comes to a corner or room that he cannot navigate around,, he needs to problem-solve.  Sometimes he pretends that his tractor is broke down and he goes and grabs his tools.  I've seen him hunt down a piece of string that resembles rope and pretend to pull it out of a ditch.  Through make believe, he learned that he can get off his tractor and give it a little push so that he can head back down the hallway.  And when all else fails, he knows that he can call for reinforcement (me).

I recently watched an interaction with a caregiver and a 9 year-old girl who was never encouraged to play pretend.  As a toddler, her form of entertainment came solely from television and video games.  I watched her stumble upon a toy in her bedroom that belonged to her brother, open her door, and just throw the toy onto the floor.  When asked why she threw the toy, she said, "it isn't mine."  She was told that it isn't appropriate to throw things on the floor just because they are out-of-place.  She responded with "okay" and just remained seated, expressionless.  At that point, Fischer would have (reluctantly) picked the toy up and put it back in it's rightful place (along with an annoyed sigh).  But this little girl didn't pick up the toy.  Next, she was asked what she should do with the toy, and she just said, "I don't know",  She wasn't being lazy or deliberately disobedient, she really didn't know what she should do at that point.  She lacked problem-solving skills.  She does not possess the necessary skills to mentally walk herself through the situation and find a solution. 

When Fish uses his imagination, his role playing helps him develop a sense of social appropriateness and deepens his understanding of human emotions.  When we play together, or when he plays with his friends, he learns the importance of sharing and taking turns.  He learns that you can't always have what you want, although, this factor seems to slip his mind on a daily basis. 

When kids pretend to be different people or characters, they learn what it means to be or feel like someone else.  Toddlers are extremely egocentric, and when they imitate their favorite people or characters, they learn that other people have thoughts and feelings that are different from their own.  They develop self-esteem because they can be anyone they want.  This play simultaneously decreases the desire to be bossy and selfish because they are pretending to be someone else..

Fischer mimics family members and other adults all the time when he plays.  Last week, my dad was growing impatient when Fischer was trying to put on socks and dad offered assistance.  Fischer told him in no uncertain terms, "you just worry about yourself Papa, and I'll worry about me."  My sister and I say that constantly when Fischer or my niece tattle on one another.  The words and mannerisms that adults use correlate to a story, expression, emotion, or statement.  When children mimic adults, they learn verbal and non-verbal language, and eventually this connection will lead to reading and writing.

Last night around midnight, Fischer awoke and couldn't fall back asleep, so I let him get up and play for a while.  He jumped up on the couch wearing my knee-high boots and a play gun tucked in his pull-up ready for a cowboy draw.  In my comatose state, I told him that he couldn't jump on the couch in my boots.  He told me he was 'Rango' and then informed me that Rango is allowed to stand on the couch and table with boots on.  At midnight, after an entire day cleaning, cooking, playing pirates, tractors and watching Scooby-Doo, Rango and the imagination prevailed.  Never underestimate the power of the imagination.   

Every child has little quirks and idiosyncrasies that make them unique and special.  Fischer has thousands, but one of my favorites is his love for coffee and scones.  This probably sounds a bit snobbyish because he is only 4, but it's not.  He considers it part of the food pyramid.  He gets this from me; I love scones and coffee.  And nothing beats the combination of the two.  I don't understand people who don't drink coffee; coffee makes everything better.  It's part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right?  

We are not coffee snobs; i am an addict and Fish is a wannabe addict.  The only reason he is a wannabe is because I limit his intake.  In case you do not know the difference between an addict and a snob, I will clarify.  A snob brews select Hawaiian or high-quality Peruvian when they arise.  Us addicts, we'll take our morning fix anyway we can get it.  I can deal with about anything except Folgers; I do have some standards.  A snob frequents Biggby, Starbucks, Einsteins', and the quaint coffee shops of the world.  While we enjoy those places tremendously, we addicts will settle for Speedway au Lait.  I must admit that I have even done the walk of shame to the local Shell when I ran out once.

When our daily routine gets mundane, we head out to the bookstore.  It is mandatory that we go to a bookstore that has toys and train tables for Fish to play with and a coffee shop.  Most days, we just drink plain ole coffee (POC).  Regular and straight-up black for me and decaf with cream for Fischer.  We grab our poison and select our scone and we are in heaven for 20 minutes.  Then there are certain mornings when POC just does not cut-it.  On those days, we opt for Chai lattes with soy.  Nothing makes Fischer's face light up more than when I tell him he can have Chai and a scone.  And the look on the barista's face is priceless when my toddler places his order for his Chai.  My kid is so cool.

Coffee and I go way back.  In fact, I would venture to say that coffee and I forged our relationship almost as long ago as my best-friend and I connected.  And coffee is steady, loyal, and always there when I am in need.  I'm glad my kid has befriended coffee so early on in life; he deserves a good cup.  Now I must excuse myself to reheat my 2 day-old coffee for the third time. 

There are 3 things that I hate doing:  getting gas, going to the bathroom, and taking a shower.  (Just so you know, all 3 are done on a regular basis.)  Due to Fischer's extreme sensory response to getting in and out of water, bathing is a battle.  Once he's in the tub, he's fairly content, as long as he has something to chew on.  If he doesn't chew, he drinks the water.  Drinking dirty bath water is gonna happen if I want him to take a bath.   Shower sensation is way too much for him to handle yet.  This "simple" task creates so much anxiety in the little guy; i feel terrible when i have to ask him to bathe.  I can't imagine something so routine being so innately disturbing.  In lieu of Fischer's utter lack of desire to cleanse,  we often times have to resort to my friend bribery to boost his itch.  Our morning played out and filthe won.

Let's talk Fish.  I get why you don't like the unfortunate but necessary evil of bathing.  (annoying sigh)  For me, It takes way too much time away from doing all of the awesome things I get to do on a daily basis, like dishes and contemplating how I will fail miserably at being a SAHM.  But buggy, you stink.  I'd put it more delicately in order to savor your feelings, but I can't stand to be around you that long.  Not that you care anyway.  You laugh in the face of body odor.  (laughs)  Seriously Fish, you are 4 and you smell worse than your dad, who lost in the WWL (wresting with llamas) tourney today.  How is that even possible?  Didn't I just give you a bath Thursday?  Oh wait, it is Tuesday now, isn't it?  See, it's just 10 a.m. and I've already failed.  In my defense, my ADD causes me to lose track of days, you know this. 

How about a sucker, fruit snacks, or playing with mom's camera?  (contemplates this, but rejects)  Since bribery isn't doing the trick today, perhaps we can rationally discuss this issue?  (he begs to differ)  Failure 2 today- bribery.  And failure 3-thinking we can have a rational conversation.  Obviously, my coffee needed more baileys'. 

Remember those oreos I let you have on Friday?  (remembers and inquires about more)  Well, they left some residuals on your chin.  And the cereal milk you spilled down your front on Saturday?  Since you haven't changed your shirt in 3 days, some sort of spoiled milk fungus has sprouted where Jake and Cubby used to be.  Dirt has taken up permanent residence under your fingernails.  And buggy, must I remind you that you wear a pull-up at night?  (flees to reenact Puss in Boots dance)

Was that a soliloquy?  Since it's a bit too early to bust out the threats, I conceded.  (Note to self:  I need to have the conversation again about the difference between washable markers vs. sharpies on the toenails).   

Fischer, the 4 year-old home-interior-design extraordinaire, had just 3 years of home renovation under his belt before he decided to start his own home decor business.  He has worked for several (de)construction and home restoration companies, as well as a brief stint experimenting with aroma therapy..  His most recent tenure was with Waste Management,  And since he thrives on being his own boss, starting his own company seemed appropriate.  I had the opportunity to sit down and chat with Fischer, well, follow him around while on a job, and hear about his new endeavor. 

So Fischer, your mom must be so proud of you?
Yeah, sure.  She's always asking me, "what have you done now?", so I know she gets really excited about my new creations. 

What inspired you to start your own home decor business?
Cuz I wanted to.

Can you elaborate on that a little?
I said, cuz I wanted to. 

How do you feel your past experience prepares you for this new venture?
It was a logical progression really.  No one knows home decor like me.  I work fast; no one can top my work.  I do have to give a shout-out to my mom because she is always so eager to lend a hand with the follow-up from a job.  To be honest, that part is quite exhausting.  My mom doesn't understand how I manage to complete a job faster than she can do the dishes.  (But between you and me, Halley's Comet will probably appear before she gets the dishes done; it's actually quite frustrating how long it takes her.)  I' can finish 3 projects before she completes one simple task. 

Wow, you do work fast.
Sure.  I gotta go to work everyday, just like my dad and my Papa.  My dad is always impressed when he gets home at the end of the workday.  I'd show you the before and after shots, but something happened to mom's camera when I was using it.  (She shouldn't buy such delicate items.)  And when I have to leave a job at my Papa's house before he gets home, he says he can always see evidence that I'd been there. 
 
It seemed like you had a really good thing going at Waste Management; what prompted you to leave?
I didn't believe in the philosophy. 

And what about your brief experience with aroma therapy?
Well, we were experiencing some foul-smelling bacteria at home.  That's all I care to say.

I understand you like being your own boss:
I love saying "it's not up to you, it's up to me."  I can't remember where I heard that...  It caught on and now I've always got the handy saying in my back pocket anytime someone gets confused about the hierarchy of authority.  I won't disclose any names here, but there are some folks on the homefront that seriously need to get in touch with reality.

Stay tuned for updates on Fischer's renovation projects as he is always finding new and innovative ways to accelerate his work and increase output.

I'm that mom.  You know...the mom you say you'll never become.  You find yourself behind a woman and her kid at the grocery checkout.  The kid is obnoxious.  He throws the entire box of Trident.  Mom reaches down to pick up the gum packets blanketing the tile just in time to meet a direct smack in the face.  You silently curse yourself because dude who chose the longest lane is checking out..  Now the little monster is trying to crawl out of the cart.  Plummet go the eggs and then he drops the "F-bomb."  You think that this mom needs some serious lessons on disciplinary techniques and say to yourself, "when I have kids, they will never behave like that."  When I was in my 20's, before I had Fischer, I had those thoughts. 

Even my friends who parent a "normal" toddler struggle at the grocery store.  I don't feel so bad when I hear about their toddlers' meltdowns or mishaps while shopping.   After we leave the store, Fischer becomes deregulated, seeks strong physical contact (like head-butting), and purposefully engages in inappropriate behavior.  SO not worth it.

Toddlers are constantly soaking in their surroundings; they are sensory seekers by nature.  Think about all the temptations the grocery store elicits;  the different colors, objects, textures, and sweet stuff.  Grocery shopping is time consuming and it's too much to expect a toddler to be patient.  Hell, I have a hard time being patient.

If I have no choice but to take Fischer, I engage him in some sensory play just before I leave.  (I prefer to self-medicate, but I need to be coherent when selecting fruit snacks.).  I digress; we play outside in the snow or sandbox to help curb the need to grab.   Since he's a big oral motor kid, I give him a sucker or make sure I bring along his chewelry to comfort him.  Saving Fischer the anxiety far outweighs getting whatever it is that I need.  So we're out of toilet paper, no big deal.  He hates the vaulted ceilings, the lighting, and the crowds at the grocery store.  I'm sure there are other sensory triggers that I have yet to pinpoint.  I can't stand half the people at the grocery store, so I prefer not to subject Fish.

Dear Nutella,

I've been putting off this conversation for quite some time because I do not want to cause a rift between us.  Let me start out by saying that Fischer just adores you.  You two get along so well; I am very appreciative of not only the comfort you are able to provide, but also your amazing ability to subside the sweet tooth with just one tablespoon.  And between you and me, I much prefer you over his friend Red 40. 

Fischer accepts your creamy chocolatey texture without reservation by the receptors on the tongue.  However, I do not appreciate the mess you leave behind.  Do you think my house cleans itself?  And excuse me for being so blunt, but were you born in a barn?  You need to take a lesson in appropriate manners and start cleaning up after yourself. 

Although my cream colored couch has had beef with red wine and spaghetti, it doesn't make it okay.  If I wanted a mocha colored couch, I would have bought a mocha colored couch.  And even if I was interested in redecorating, my couch does not require a fresh coat of paint each time you grace us with your presence.

Hopefully, now that we've gotten a few things straightened out, you and Fischer can continue your sacred friendship.  We can only handle you in small doses, which really is for the best because you wouldn't want to wear out your welcome. 

I knew that something was "off" at 18 months.  Fischer used to remove his dirty diaper, soil himself in his feces, smell it, taste it, and paint it on his crib and the wall.  Kevin gagged and vomited (he works with animals, so really, what's the big deal?)  I called Pinot and she came to the rescue.  These incidents happened more than I care to discuss.  This among other issues warranted a trip to Fischer's primary care doctor where we were told, "he's just a boy."  Really? 

Age two rolled around and Fischer was in overdrive, nonstop.  And I mean nonstop.  We continued to have "incidents".  While I cleaned up one mess, he went to work on the next debacle, which usually involved breaking something cool.  His body craved sensations.  He sought out sharp and dangerous objects.  He was fast and destructive.  He put everything in his mouth; toilet paper, potting soil, deer poop, sticks, yellow snow.   When he was two and a half, he drank rubbing alcohol.  This time the doc said, "it's the terrible twos."  Things continued to escalate and traditional means of punishment did nothing for Fischer.  When Fischer turned 3, I still had to watch him like a hawk.  I had to carry him everywhere because he would run away as soon as his feet hit the ground.  He flailed and fought getting in and out of his car seat.  'No' meant absolutely nothing to Fischer.  We couldn't go visit anyone unless their home was completely child proof, and even those homes were not really "Fischer-proof". 

Breaking point...age 3.  It was the middle of winter and the ground was completely snow covered.  Fischer slipped outside without my knowledge and I couldn't find him.  I've never be so scared.  I found him in my car, barefoot, keys in hand, trying to start the car.  I brought him inside and ran warm water on his feet.  He didn't even notice that his feet were cold until we'd been in the house for five minutes, and he had frostbite.   Doc referred him to a behavioral specialist.  His under-reponse was more than strange behavior; he had a delayed reaction to pain.  I took him to an OT instead.  We discovered that he had sensory processing disorder and finally, a lot of things made sense.  No need to enter the lousy parent contest...at least, not yet..  It doesn't make it any easier, but it feels a hell of a lot better to know that I don't totally suck.