There are 3 things that I hate doing: getting gas, going to the bathroom, and taking a shower. (Just so you know, all 3 are done on a regular basis.) Due to Fischer's extreme sensory response to getting in and out of water, bathing is a battle. Once he's in the tub, he's fairly content, as long as he has something to chew on. If he doesn't chew, he drinks the water. Drinking dirty bath water is gonna happen if I want him to take a bath. Shower sensation is way too much for him to handle yet. This "simple" task creates so much anxiety in the little guy; i feel terrible when i have to ask him to bathe. I can't imagine something so routine being so innately disturbing. In lieu of Fischer's utter lack of desire to cleanse, we often times have to resort to my friend bribery to boost his itch. Our morning played out and filthe won.
Let's talk Fish. I get why you don't like the unfortunate but necessary evil of bathing. (annoying sigh) For me, It takes way too much time away from doing all of the awesome things I get to do on a daily basis, like dishes and contemplating how I will fail miserably at being a SAHM. But buggy, you stink. I'd put it more delicately in order to savor your feelings, but I can't stand to be around you that long. Not that you care anyway. You laugh in the face of body odor. (laughs) Seriously Fish, you are 4 and you smell worse than your dad, who lost in the WWL (wresting with llamas) tourney today. How is that even possible? Didn't I just give you a bath Thursday? Oh wait, it is Tuesday now, isn't it? See, it's just 10 a.m. and I've already failed. In my defense, my ADD causes me to lose track of days, you know this.
How about a sucker, fruit snacks, or playing with mom's camera? (contemplates this, but rejects) Since bribery isn't doing the trick today, perhaps we can rationally discuss this issue? (he begs to differ) Failure 2 today- bribery. And failure 3-thinking we can have a rational conversation. Obviously, my coffee needed more baileys'.
Remember those oreos I let you have on Friday? (remembers and inquires about more) Well, they left some residuals on your chin. And the cereal milk you spilled down your front on Saturday? Since you haven't changed your shirt in 3 days, some sort of spoiled milk fungus has sprouted where Jake and Cubby used to be. Dirt has taken up permanent residence under your fingernails. And buggy, must I remind you that you wear a pull-up at night? (flees to reenact Puss in Boots dance)
Was that a soliloquy? Since it's a bit too early to bust out the threats, I conceded. (Note to self: I need to have the conversation again about the difference between washable markers vs. sharpies on the toenails).
Let's talk Fish. I get why you don't like the unfortunate but necessary evil of bathing. (annoying sigh) For me, It takes way too much time away from doing all of the awesome things I get to do on a daily basis, like dishes and contemplating how I will fail miserably at being a SAHM. But buggy, you stink. I'd put it more delicately in order to savor your feelings, but I can't stand to be around you that long. Not that you care anyway. You laugh in the face of body odor. (laughs) Seriously Fish, you are 4 and you smell worse than your dad, who lost in the WWL (wresting with llamas) tourney today. How is that even possible? Didn't I just give you a bath Thursday? Oh wait, it is Tuesday now, isn't it? See, it's just 10 a.m. and I've already failed. In my defense, my ADD causes me to lose track of days, you know this.
How about a sucker, fruit snacks, or playing with mom's camera? (contemplates this, but rejects) Since bribery isn't doing the trick today, perhaps we can rationally discuss this issue? (he begs to differ) Failure 2 today- bribery. And failure 3-thinking we can have a rational conversation. Obviously, my coffee needed more baileys'.
Remember those oreos I let you have on Friday? (remembers and inquires about more) Well, they left some residuals on your chin. And the cereal milk you spilled down your front on Saturday? Since you haven't changed your shirt in 3 days, some sort of spoiled milk fungus has sprouted where Jake and Cubby used to be. Dirt has taken up permanent residence under your fingernails. And buggy, must I remind you that you wear a pull-up at night? (flees to reenact Puss in Boots dance)
Was that a soliloquy? Since it's a bit too early to bust out the threats, I conceded. (Note to self: I need to have the conversation again about the difference between washable markers vs. sharpies on the toenails).
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